How can you be an American Patriot and still wave the Confederate flag?

I understand the argument that the Confederate flag shouldn't be connected with racism ( though people should just suck it up and realize that most of society does) but the confederate flag was used to symbolize that the South wished to be a different country than the United States, you can't be a confederate and an American, you are one or the other. So can I hear the arguments against this?